Jodi's Daily Leo Forecast
Your mood is so good, what you do doesn't matter. Let someone else take over.

Need I say more? ;)

Steve's Word Of The Day: Zoariums

Billy is home finally! That was the longest 20 days of my life. The odd thing is once I got to the airport it felt like I was just there the day before dropping him off. The kids were so excited to see him walk out. Mr. Bill was very hesitant at first but then I saw the look of recognition in his eyes. He was still a little nervous and wouldn't let dad hold him for a couple of hours. Billy took the kids shopping for a gift since he was home. As you can imagine they loved that. By the time we finished shopping at K-mart Mr. Bill was all over his daddy. We got home about 8 p.m. and shuttled everyone off to bed. I had to get the girls up early this morning so they could do their homework since we didn't get to it last night. They were so happy that daddy was home. He is staying home today to recover from the time change.

I am sooo happy he is home too.

Another blogger friend of mine put this on her site and I thought it was an interesting way to get to know someone, so here it is for all of you:

-- Name: Jodi
-- Birth date: 7/27/1974
-- Birthplace: Hot Springs, South Dakota
-- Current Location: Brandt, South Dakota
-- Eye Color: Green
-- Hair Color: Brown
-- Height: 5'5"
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty


-- Your heritage: German, Swedish, Norwegian
-- The shoes you wore today: tennis shoes
-- Your weakness: Chocolate
-- Your fears: Heights. It makes my legs all quivery and I feel like I am going to pass out. Not good when you are up high. ;)
-- Your perfect pizza: Lots of cheese, NO sauce.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Be the best mom, wife, and person I can be.


-- Your first waking thoughts: Oy! It is morning already?
-- Your best physical feature: My figure?

-- Pepsi or Coke: I like both but prefer Dr. Pepper if I can choose.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King!
-- Single or group dates: Dates? What is that?
-- Adidas or Nike: Do Walmart generics count?
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: YUCK! Neither, I hate tea.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: I think I answered this already. See above answer to weaknesses.
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino by far. Coffee tastes awful!

-- Smoke: Not a day in my life!
-- Cuss: Only when I am mad or hurt. :)
-- Sing: Only when no one can hear me.
-- Take a shower everyday: yup, hate that two-day greasy feel.
-- Do you think you've been in love: Still am.
-- Want to go to college: Done that. BS degree in Family and Consumer Science Education.
-- Liked high school: Nope. Pleeeease don't make me go back there ever again!
-- Want to get married: Did that on June 26, 1993 to the best man on earth.
-- Believe in yourself: Absolutely! I am a wonderful person!
-- Get motion sickness: Sometimes.
-- Think you're attractive: Sort of?
-- Think you're a health freak: Heee heeee. Are donuts healthy?
-- Get along with your parent(s): I try to.
-- Like thunderstorms: Yes.
-- Play an instrument: Nope.


In the past month have you:
-- Drank alcohol: Have not touched the stuff my entire life!
-- Smoked: Ummm, didn't I just answer this?
-- Made Out: Yes
-- Gone on a date: Nope
-- Gone to the mall?: Yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Ewww, I don't like oreos. (or cookies for that matter)
--Eaten sushi: NO, I live in SD people!
-- Been on stage: Nope
-- Been dumped: I don't think so.
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: yes, cream cheese sugar cookies, mmmmm.
-- Gone skinny dipping: Ummm, I think it would be called skinny freezing if I did! LOL
-- Dyed your hair: No I don't do that either.
-- Stolen Anything: For heaven's sake, what kind of question is that? No!


Ever...
-- Been caught "doing something": LOL Doing what? ;)
-- Been called a tease: Oh yeah!
-- Gotten beaten up: Nope.
-- Shoplifted: Never
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Somewhat.


--Age you hoped to be married: I never really thought about that. I found my true love and married at 18.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 5 kids. Becca-8, Megan-7, Marea-5, Cassie-4, Mr. Bill-2.
-- How do you want to die: In my sleep at a very very old age.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: When I figure that out I will let you know.
-- What country would you most like to visit: I prefer to keep my feet on US soil.

-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 2
-- Number of CDs that I own: 4, maybe?
-- Number of piercings: 6, three in each ear, but have always secretly wanted my belly button pierced.
-- Number of tattoos: 1, a bear holding a heart and flowers on my right thigh. Billy's dad drew it.
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Quite a few when I was younger and in sports and high school, since then just when I have a baby.
-- Number of scars on my body: Are you serious? I can't count them all!
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: Too many too list here.

Steve's word of the day: bibulous

It is finally Wednesday! It is soooo hard to believe it is finally here. I will be off and running later today to get the girls, stop at Penney's for Kristina, and then to the airport for my husband! Yahhhhoooooo!

Happy Birthday to my sister Vonnie, who turns 28 today! We will try to give you a call tonight when we get home, if it is not tooo late. Have a great Birthday!

Out of the mouths of babes:
Today as we were driving to school the moon was still out. The girls noticed it and Cassie said, "Why is the moon moving mom?" I replied, "It isn't moving, we are." "Nope," she said. "When I move my head up and down the moon moves up and down too. It really does." I just nodded. What could I say to that!? LOL

I will be back! :)

Since Uncle Steve enjoys stretching my vocabulary, I have decided to return the favor with a little section of my blogger devoted to Steve's word of the day. So for today:
Steve's word of the day: callipygian

Can you believe the day is finally almost here? Tomorrow at this time I will be frantically cleaning the house or anything else I can find to keep myself busy until 1 when I go pick up the kids from school and we head off to Sioux Falls to PICK UP MY HUSBAND! I can't believe I survived all 20 days with my sanity intact. I am woman, hear me rooooaaaaarrrr! ;)

Today is picture day at school. I got the girls up a half an hour early so we could make them even more beautiful than usual. They all left the house with curly hair in ponytails or barrettes. I will be sure to put their pics on here once I get them, now that I have a scanner again.

I think Megan's self esteem flew through the roof this morning as she admired her hair in the mirror for the millionth time. Perhaps I should do her hair like this more often eh? Last night after we finished homework I was checking my email and Megan came in and had written me a question on a piece of paper.

M: Do you want to play cards with me?
Me: No, later.
M: Can we go outside?
Me: No.
M: Can I play cards with Becca?
Me: I love you.
M: No you don't.
Me: Yes, I do.
M: No you don't!
Me: I love you very much.
M: No you don't!!!!!!!!
Me: Yes, I do.
M: Bob is the one who loves me.
Me: Oh, please! Your dad and I love you.
M: Not as much as Bob does.
Me: Oh, please! Bob just buys you stuff, we love you AND buy you stuff.
M: No you don't.
Me: I love you Megan.
M: Well, I am running away forever and ever.
Me: Ok, but I will miss you. What do I do with your Christmas presents?
M: Send them to me in a box.
Me: I don't know where you are if you run away.
M: Chad
Me: What?
(Insert an actual speaking conversation here. I had no idea what she was talking about. She was looking at the map on the wall here in the office and said she was going to run away to Chad, Africa.)
Me: I can't send boxes there. I guess that means no presents if you run away.
M: Fine! I won't run away.
Me: Good cause I would miss you a lot and so would Mouse (Our cat).
M: Sept, I'm staying in my room.
Me: Why?
M: Because your mean.
Me: That is too bad. I try very hard to be nice.
M: Don't be mean and I might come down.
Me: Sometimes I have to be mean, that is part of being the mom.
M: No it isn't.
Me: Yes Megan, I love you.
M: I am going to my room now forever. (With that she walked out of the office.)
Me: What do you want for dinner?
M: (Who amazingly reappeared seconds after she wrote that she was going to her room forever.) Peanut Butter and Jelly with candlelight.
Me: Okay, let's go make dinner.
M: I love you mom.
(This entire conversation was written on paper back and forth between the two of us.) She is such a silly girl. I wish she felt secure about herself but maybe things like this will help. :)

As I drove the kids to school today we saw clouds on the ground. (Okay, us adults call it fog, but remember I have five kids!) In all of the ditches and the valleys where the water had collected from our weeks worth of rain has clouds above it this morning. It was awesome to drive through and see it spread out under the morning sun.

Today is a boring day here. I finished laundry yesterday and now I am putzing around the house avoiding cleaning the kitchen. Can't I just rip the kitchen off my house and stick a Burger King there? I would be so much happier. Besides, Brandt needs some fast food right? ;)

Have a great day, ya'll!

Don't go there!

In July of 1998 Billy and I decided to pack up our earthly belongings and move to Colorado so that he could continue his education at the Colorado Institute of Art. We had been living fairly well as students at SDSU and figured we could handle Colorado for 2 years.

We packed up the kids a few weekends before we were due to move and headed out to find a place to live. Billy would be attending school right in the heart of Denver, where I would NOT live for any amount of money. We scoped out the smaller towns outside of Denver and settled on an apartment in Fort Collins. The rent would be 720.00 a month versus the 50.00 a month (low-income housing) we were paying. That should have been clue #1!

On July 1st we arrived in Fort Collins and unpacked our stuff. We returned the U-haul and life began. Shortly after arriving, Billy set up his computer so he could continue to work for Daktronics out of our home. At the time he was making 7 something an hour. He also received some V.A. money because his dad was a disabled vet. I think it was 300 or so each month. Not a bad income for South Dakota. Once we got to Colorado the V.A. informed us that Billy was only entitled to so many months of this money and now that he had graduated with a B.S. he was done. Ouch! So we would be living in Colorado on 13000.00 a year. Billy began his first semester at the Institute of Art. He drove down to Denver each day for his classes and came home and worked the remainder of the day.

After about a month without his V.A. money we realized we were in trouble. I budgeted our money but it was becoming obvious we could not afford to live with our income. A few more months passed and I was quickly getting behind on the bills. Bill collectors were calling us and I couldn't offer them any solution to the problems we were having. Soon all of our bills were either late or not paid. My phone never stopped ringing and I cringed at the thought of answering it. The bill collectors were not always nice to me either. I tried to set up payment arrangements with one lady and she started yelling at me and finally hung up on me. I was astonished and felt very much defeated. I could see no way out of the mess we had gotten into.

Finally December rolled around and I had had enough. I couldn't even pay our car payment each month and the bank was doing it for me as soon as money showed up in my account. That meant all the checks we had written would bounce. We consulted the credit counseling place but they told us we needed 800.00 more a month before they could help us. Okay! So I checked out Social Services to see if we could get any assistance from them. I was hoping that they could at least give us food stamps so we would have food each month. After waiting several hours in the SS waiting room, I was told that they couldn't help us. I was given medicaid for the girls but that was all they could do for me. I left feeling more depressed than I had ever been in my life. I got home later that day and found about 10 messages on my answering machine. I sat down and cried. I just couldn't keep this up.

As I was sitting there the phone rang. I sucked it up and answered it. To my dismay, it was the same lady who had hung up on me previously. I politely told her I had no money and I didn't know what I was going to do. She yelled at me, "Then maybe you should file bankruptcy!" and hung up. I hung up the phone and cried some more. I decided at that point that I had to do something so I started applying for jobs. I had an interview at Target just a few days after I applied. I was hired the day of my interview and started a few days later. I started making almost 800 a month and it seemed to help somewhat but we were so far behind on our bills that I just couldn't seem to dig us out. After 90 days I was promoted to manager of my department at Target and I was enjoying my job. I got health and dental insurance then and it seemed things were looking up. I still couldn't pay most of our bills though and Billy needed gas money to drive to Denver each day. As the weeks past we seemed to get further and further behind.

I finally decided, in a moment of depression, to take that ladies advice and I called a bankruptcy lawyer just to "see" what would happen if we did file bankruptcy. I got a very nice lawyer who explained everything to me. He said just retaining him would make all the bill collectors stop calling me and I could stop paying my bills until I filed bankruptcy. His fee was 5 or 6 hundred, I don't remember exactly. Obviously this was not money we had and he required to be paid up front (duh!) I told him we got a tax return in Feb every year and we could pay him with that. He said that would be fine. He said to just stop paying our bills until then (I was thinking WOW two whole months of not having to pay anything and NO ONE would call me).

I talked with Billy later that day when he got home and he seemed agreeable to filing so long as it stopped the bill collectors. So December went and so did January. It was so peaceful to not hear the phone ringing and I can't tell you how happy I was when that b*tch called and I could tell HER where to get off.

In February we got our income tax return and we visitied the lawyer. He took all the information he needed and we left. We opted to keep all of the loans that we had at our bank as we figured we could pay them once we got rid of all the stuff we couldn't. We kept our car loan, a credit card (although the bank took the card, we just paid off the account), our computer loan, and a personal loan. The lawyer sent us a letter a few months after we filed informing us of our court date. We were surprised to learn we had to go to court. Apparently that was a detail he forgot to mention. In July we went to the court (which was in a mini-mall) and sat in front of three men who asked us what we did with our income tax return and why we were filing bankruptcy. Behind us in church pews, sat the other people who were filing for bankruptcy. It was incredibly embarrassing to sit in front of all of them and admit we had screwed up this big at the ripe ol' ages of 21 and 22.

Fortunately, none of our creditors came to fight us for their money, as I guess they have that option. It took about 10 minutes, at the most and we were done. We signed a paper and a few weeks later the lawyer sent us the paperwork. We were done. We now had a big black mark on our credit but we were out of debt.

With our tails between our legs, we packed our stuff back up and headed back to Hot Springs to recover from a year as close to hell as I ever care to get. It was an incredibly humbling experience and one I am sure I won't soon forget. I most vividly remember the constant feeling that I was drowning and there was nothing I could do. The day I called the lawyer was the first day in months I felt like I was truly breathing again. It took a year and a half for us to pull our finances together and get back on stable ground. We stayed in Hot Springs until then. Once we felt we were stable we headed back to Brookings so Billy could resume his office job at Dak.

Filing bankruptcy does make things easier up front, but down the road, it can complicate things. I cannot get a credit card, I pay higher rates on any loans we need, and it is very difficult and/or expensive for us to get a loan. When we wanted to buy our house we found a bank willing to give us a loan (this was 3 years after we filed) but we could not find an insurance company willing to give us insurance. We couldn't get a loan without the insurance and I was at a loss. I finally found one company who made me take a "class" called "Credit Where Credit Is Due". Once I passed the test (which cost 40.00) I was given insurance at a high premium. Each time I go to the bank for a loan I know they are going to see that big "bankruptcy" word across the top of my credit report.

Life has been much better and easier since our little stint in Colorado. I learned a really tough lesson and I came away a better person. I have learned how to deal with creditors at the slightest hint of a problem, how to budget with an HONEST perception of where my money goes, and how to live within our means. I can pay my bills each month on time and regularly, for the most part and I make sure to pay the bills before we go spending money. That isn't to say it is always easy or fun, but we make it now.

I am posting this story, not so you all will feel sorry for us or condone us, but so that you can hopefully keep yourselves from getting to where we got. I am embarrassed that this happened to us and embarrassed to talk about it but if by doing so, I can help one person avoid getting to where I was, then I will talk until I am blue in the face.

Help! I have hurt every square inch of my body! ;)

Today I went out and dug up a 4X4 hole to bury my new flower bulbs in. I had to dig down 6 inches. Do you know how much dirt comes out of a hole that big?! Sheesssh! So now my daffodil bulbs are safely tucked away for the winter and I can't move. LOL I hope they all come up next year looking beautiful.

This morning the kids went to sunday school again. They seem to really be enjoying it. They do some kind of arts and crafts project and the sing too. The older two girls get to be in a bell choir. I think that would be a blast! They will play the bells at a Christmas program so we all get to watch. What fun!

Aunt Vonnie called the other day. She is coming for Thanksgiving so we should have a houseful this year. Rana Banana-if you read this you and Seth are invited too. I would send you an invitation but for some reason I don't seem to have your address. ;) My brother Luke and his girlfriend will be here unless she has her baby then (she is due on Thanksgiving). It will be fun to have the holiday at my house for once. I still have to call my mom and other brother to let them know they are welcome to come as well. I love the holiday season.

We will be heading out to the pumpkin patch again this year. I always have so much fun with the kids there. I WILL get a picture of us all on the huge pile of pumpkins this year, I swear! :)

The homecoming parade went well. I ended up walking with Cassie and her class as they needed some assistance with all the 3 and 4 year olds. I carried Mr. Bill and he seemed to enjoy it. Becca and Megan walked past us once the preschoolers sat (they don't walk the whole route, thank goodness) so I got to see both of them but I forgot the camera! URRRRR!

Tuesday is picture day at school and I need to get the girls haircut yet tonight so I better get! Hope you all had a great weekend.

2 days, 1 hour, 44 minutes and 50 seconds until Billy is home! YAAAAHHHOOOOO!

THE SUN IS SHINING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WEEK! HALLELUJAH!

Finally, this morning the sun is out and life is good again! The birds sang us a song as we walked out to the van. I guess they are happy to finally see the sun too. :) Too bad they can't put sunshine in a bottle, it just makes my heart soar!

This morning I woke up 10 minutes before the alarm went off because Megan was in my room coughing. She sounded like she ate a frog and said it hurt when she coughed. I got up and got her some medicine. Becca just got over this nasty cold thing and now Mr. Bill's nose has turned into a leaky faucet too and the poor boy can't stop sneezing. I am going to run out of cold medicine by the end of the weekend at this rate. Thank goodness my doctor loves me and gives me lots of free samples. :) Not ten minutes after Meg got up, everyone else was up. Sheesh! So I sent them all of to the office to watch cartoons while I exercised and showered. Why are my kids not like other kids, and SLEEP!? I just don't get it.

Today is homecoming at the kid's school so I get to run into town at about 2 to watch the parade and pick up the kids afterwards. They are all dressed in Red, Black, and White for the occasion. Those are the cardinal colors you know! :)

The end is in sight! Billy comes home in 4 days and man, I can't wait. It is always a good wake up call for both of us to spend some time apart but lets not do it too often okay!?

Have a happy, sunshine-filled day all of you! It is going to be a great one!

****Almost Thursday, September 23, 2004****

I am sitting here, as if in some demented way, my staying awake until ungodly hours of the night, will bring my husband home. This is a common thing for me, but so far in this 20 days of hell, I had not had this problem. For the first time last night, I had no urge to go to bed, and tonight, the same phenomenon is occuring. I am dead tired but unable to sleep. My heart aches and my eyelids droop. I am sure it is a pretty site.

I know, I know, you are all sick of hearing about my misery, but hey misery loves company so suck it up and LISTEN!

Tonight, I went to let my poor dog in, who has been drowing in the rain and discovered our basement is flooded. Okay, so it is not even an inch of water but it is covering pretty much the entire floor AND my dear sweet husband had left all of his tools, wood, etc. on the floor. I resigned myself to cleaning up the mess so I could hopefully sleep in peace. I hate, I mean HATE our basement. It is full of spiders, bugs, webs, and other miscellanous icky stuff. Plus it smells like a damp, dirty, icky basement. I discovered the water coming in in three places. Two windows have leaks where the water has obviously poured in between the concrete and the window frame millions of times. The other leak was under the main sewage pipe that exits our basement. The water was literally pouring in around it. I tried to find a can of that expanding foam to fill in the hole and hopefully stop the leak but in Billy's mess, that was a task too daunting. I splashed around until I found a tube of caulk. It was dried in the tip but I also spotted the hack saw and proceeded to cut off the tip. I plunged enough caulk around the pipe to fill the grand canyon, but the water continued to flow through. I was hoping the caulk would hold long enough to dry somewhat but nope, as soon as I went upstairs to get the fan to blow the water dry, I heard a splash. The whole chunk of caulk had been waterlogged and had fallen to the floor. Sheesh! So now I am contemplating what to do with the watery mess in my basement and the crap that is floating in it. I wonder if Bob is busy tomorrow? ;)We knew the basement had flooded before as there is obvious water damage on the beams and stuff. I guess we may have to get that new basement afterall, or at least fix up the one we have.

I had dealings with my bank today. I hate anything to do with money, as we never seem to have any, but today I sucked it up and called the bank to complain. I still hold an account I opened as a kid in Hot Springs. I mainly keep it because they have free Bill Pay (and I love not writing checks all the time) and because when my mom should want to give me money, it is easy for her to deposit it in my account. Well, I payed all the bills on friday and "forgot" about a check I had written for gas the day before. I realized my mistake as I was balancing things on Friday so I quickly sent off a check from Billy's account. Well, since I don't hold an atm card for this account, (LONG story, another blog perhaps) I mail the deposit using our friendly snail mail service. Apparently, the check I wrote hit the bank this morning and the deposit didn't get there until this afternoon. So before they got the deposit they swiftly charged me 18.00 and returned the check! URRRRR! Not two hours later they had my deposit in my account. (I know because I can also access my account online). I called and complained for the first time in my life. I told the lady that I had no other option to make deposits and it was very unfair of them to do that the way they did. She politely informed me it was standard procedure and she was sorry. She truly was kind about the whole thing. Then she told me she would issue me an atm card and then I should be able to make deposits quicker. Well hallelujah! I asked her if she would consider refunding the fee and to my surprise she said she would, just this once! So all is peachy once again in Jodi-bank-land. I knew I kept this account for a reason! :)

I watched the Dr. Phil primetime special tonight. It was all about families and several specific families he tried to help. I am very envious of those of you who are "done" raising kids. I truly feel the burden of raising my kids with good values, morals, and life. I want my kids to feel loved and protected but many days I don't think I get that out. I tend to scream, and sometimes it gets misdirected at my kids. I had an epiphany one day while watching a show Dr. Phil had about couples fighting. He said we vent, yell, scream, etc. because it is a release for us. He said it is like an addiction because you do it over and over and over. I realized that was me. I have since learned to control that inner rage and stop it from coming out and hurting others just to make me feel better for a little while. Unfortunately, I don't feel I am doing a very good job at parenting right now. I struggle each day to spend quality time with my kids. Many days I go to bed feeling (knowing!) like I should have done more. I listened to Dr. Phil very intently as I think he has many great theories and concepts to teach us. I did learn a little about the yelling as he had a mom on there who did a lot of yelling as well. I have been working on that on my own anyway but his tips really hit home for me. I am definetly going to pick up his new book, Families First, as soon as payday comes around. I am sure I will have much to learn. Dr. Phil said two things on his show that really stuck out to me. He said we are 'raising adults', not children, because they do grow up, so we need to have a 'family plan' that will help us get our children into adulthood. I think a family plan is an awesome idea. I also loved the concept of us raising adults. That truly is the focus, to get our kids safely out on their own. God, give me the strength to be a good parent to my kids and to give them a soft place to land in times of crisis.

CSI: NY also premiered tonight but I missed that as I was cleaning out the basement. I hope it is as good as the first two versions of CSI. That is one show I could watch and watch and watch and never get tired of. I love shows where I can't figure out the plot line or know the ending before the show starts. GO CSI!

Last night, in my endeavors to stay awake, I began a search on SDSU's website for graduate programs. I was rather disappointed to see there were few to choose from. I read through a few that looked interesting but was not interested enough to fork over another 20,000 to take the classes. I just don't know what I want to do when I grow up. :( I am going to have to stew on it for awhile longer and see what I can come up with. I would like to start working once Mr. Bill starts Kindergarten so that gives me 3 years yet to decided where that work will be, but if I am going back to school, I will need to get that started asap! My B.S. is in Family and Consumer Science Education (Used to be called Home Ec). So basically I can teach 6-12 grade of "home ec". Personally, I don't think I could handle the discipline crap that goes with teaching. I have always wanted to be a professor (that was my original goal) but you must have an M.S. in something in order to work in a college level. I don't really know if I want to teach for the rest of my life. I am honestly quite content working at target as a cashier as long as my co-worker's are nice and there is room to grow. Hmmmmmm???

The kids are all doing great so far this year in school. Becca jumped right in and is a tough little bugger. She takes everything in stride. She has an amazing confidence level. She is like me, she knows she can do anything and she will do it. She is so far getting all A's in school. (This is her first year with "real" grades. The last two years she just got S's.)
Megan is a little rough around the collar yet. She makes me the most nervous of all my kids. She is very shy and had a very rough year with a bully last year. I have talked to her teacher this year (who happened to have been Becca's teacher last year) and explained that I was concerned. I don't know if she has done anything to help but we shall see. Megan is going to be a perfectionist like her dad, I am afraid.
Marea is also doing well in school. Her teacher called a few days ago to let me know things were going well and she was glad I went it to talk to her before school started. She said it gave her a good heads up so she was prepared for some of her odd behaviors. Marea loves school and constantly talks about it.
Cassie is doing awesome in preschool this year. This is her second year in preschool so she is the veteran this time around. She is learning so much and getting a good background for kindergarten. She is still a litte shy but has many friends she plays with.
Mr. Bill is getting better lately. I truly think he was hitting and acting out because we moved him into his own bed so for now he is back in with us. I will wait until he is a little more emotionally ready to sleep in his own bed before I try again. He is very much attached to my hip the last few weeks. I think he is confused since daddy is gone. I wonder if he doesn't think I am leaving too. I can't even pee without him next to me, no joke! I am in awe of my five children. If you would have asked me as a teenager if this is where I saw myself at 30, I would have said NO WAY! I love my kids and love my life. It is great to be able to have such a huge influence on these little people.

Well, I have overstayed my welcome and since my husband isn't showing any signs of coming home tonight, I will head off to bed. Have a great night to all of you night owls! ;)

Bounce>>>>>>>>>>>>Bounce
Bounce<<<<<<<<<<<<<Bounce>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Bounce
Bounce<<<<<>>>>>>Bounce

Oh, never mind me, I am just BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS! When oh, when is this rain going to stop? And when, oh when, is the 29th ever going to get here!

I am trying very hard to hold it all together but sheesh! We haven't been able to go outside all week because the rain is a constant thing. I haven't seen the sun forever! Billy called again yesterday and he is holding up well in Greece. The olympic events run from 8 a.m. to about 10 p.m. so he is at the stadium from 6 a.m. to 12 a.m. Nothing like working your hiney off eh? He said they finally opened the McDonalds by the stadium (apparently they closed everything after the actual olympics left and are slowly reopening them for the paraolympics). He said it was so nice to have "real" food for a change. LOL

Yesterday I gave the house a good scrubbing. I did all those little chores that pile up that I don't want to do daily. It was good to have a clean house for a few hours. I made this concoction for dinner of hamburger, rice, cream of mush soup and tatertots. I threw it all in a casserole dish and left it. I also made up an apple crisp from the apples the kids picked a few weeks ago. Needless to say, the kids ate all of the apple crisp but didn't touch their dinner. I had some, and while it wasn't too bad, it is one of those dishes that will not be resurrected! :P You live and learn. LOL I like to try new dishes so we have a variety of foods. I found a recipe for french toast casserole the other day. We had it for dinner the night before last and it was delish! MMMMMMMM. I think it will make an awesome Christmas morning breakfast. It is really fast and easy and best of all, yummy! It would be really good if you add sausage or bacon with it.

I got some bulbs in the mail yesterday too. I ordered them from a company called Brecks. They mail them when it is time to plant them so I guess I will be planting this weekend. I have about 40 bulbs to plant. I have one corner by my house that is really ugly with just one bush so I am planting all of them there. Hopefully next spring it will be a lovely corner of the house. :)

I never did get the rest of the yard mowed thanks to this lovely rain. By the time I can get out there to do it again, I will have to do the whole yard. Maybe the grass will go to seed while I wait and I won't have to reseed this fall. LOL Our grass is pretty pathetic as the people who lived here before us used annual grass seed so every year they had to reseed. Being a mother of five, I don't have the time or energy to do that so we are planting the perinnial stuff. Plus the annual stuff dies and leaves tons of ugly dead brown grass under the green stuff. We also have mushrooms up the wahoozie in our lawn. I don't know if it is from the extra moisture or what but they grow fast and BIG! I don't even know how to begin to get rid of them. I am going to have to call the chem-lawn guy in the spring. I hope they are cheap.

The kids have homecoming on Friday. I am bummed that Billy won't be here to watch the kids walk in the parade. The theme this year is candy. Becca has to dress like a cowgirl (Jolly Rancher), Megan needs a lifesaver to carry (where do they think we are going to get one of those I ask you?), Marea's class hasn't let me in on what they are doing yet, and Cassie's is Big Red so she just has to wear red. I will be there with bells on. Hopefully I can dig out our camcorder and catch them all on tape. At the least, I should be able to get some pics of them. The girls always have so much fun at the parade.

Well that is all from little ol' Brandt. Have a great day today! Jodi

Okay, I was innocently checking my email when an ad for dreamdonations.com popped up. Instantly intrigued, I clicked on it.

It is a website which coordinates the donation of eggs to women who are unable to have children. At first I thought, how cool, that you could make a woman's dream come true just by donating an egg. Then I realized as I was reading that that EGG will become a KID who will in actuality be HALF you and HALF some man you don't know. That, I realized, would be weird.

I have always been interested in being a surrogate mom just because it would be such an awesome gift for someone (and I can't imagine NOT being able to have kids). Egg donation though, I think, goes beyond a gift. Your kids would essentially have a half-sibling running around that they may never know about.

Hmmmmmm? Comments? (JUST KEEP EM FRIENDLY!)

We have been married for 11 years and together for 14. In the beginning, we hung out together all the time. We did everything as a two-some. We spent everyday after school together, did our homework together, ate lunch together, and spent just about every waking moment together. I will never forget the first time Billy left for the summer to go to his mom's. I thought I was going to die. The sheer power of my emotions amazed me. I cried like I had just died and was at my own funeral. My mom tried to comfort me and I truly appreciated her support. It was a rough few weeks without him and I spent many nights in my room crying into a pillow.

Our marriage started in the same love-overfloweth manner. We tried to plan classes together in college, we spent all of our time together after classes, and we spent the weekends just enjoying each others company. I remember on many occasions feeling like my heart would burst from the love I felt each day for my husband. When our first baby came along, I didn't think I could love my husband more. How amazingly sexy to see the man I love standing there cooing over a little bitty wrinkled baby. Billy jumped right in and was an awesome father. He loved holding her, changing her, and just playing with her and I loved watching.

As the years and kids have flowed forth, we have less and less time to spend with each other and in the last few years, especially, I have been feeling like our relationship is on hold. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband now more than I did the day I married him (and I didn't think that would be possible). We have both become so busy with work, life, kids, schedules, etc. that somewhere along the way we have lost track of each other. I mourn the loss of the people we used to be, how my husband would come home and hold me, how he would be happy to see the kids, how he would be thrilled to go anywhere as long as we all went along. Now he comes home from work several hours late obviously unhappy at the world. I miss his smiles, his laughs, his joy of simply being alive and having another day to spend together.

My husband is a very strong person. He seems very shy and quiet outwardly but his inner strength rivals that of Zeus. He has been through many family deaths in the years since we met. First he lost his uncle, then his grandpa, then his dad, then his great grandma. Through them all he has taken it in stride. He was there for me and for his sisters who felt the world was coming to an end each time they attended the funerals. When life is difficult for me, I know I can turn to my husband and he will be there for me. My husband also has an incredibly big heart. When we first were dating I found this trait very annoying because I watched people walk all over him. I think he knew they were taking advantage of him but he felt it was bigger to give and so he did.

My husband is generous, kind, understanding, loving, and very special. I don't know too many other men that would willingly take in his niece and adopt her despite the repercussions. I don't know too many men willing to work day in and day out so his wife can stay home and take care of the kids. I don't know too many men who put his family as priority number one. I wish there were a way to show him how important he is to us.

7 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes and 30 seconds until my husband returns from Greece.

Here is a letter I found on the internet when I was pregnant with Mr. Bill. I thought it beautifully captured every feeling and thought I have for my children. I don't know who the author is or I would surely give her credit for her awesome writing. I have included a copy of this in each of my children's baby book.

*****
My darling baby,

As I sit here wondering what on Earth I did to deserve you, I remain awestruck by the miracle that you are – the tiny baby growing quickly inside of me. I wonder what you will look like. Will you have my long brown hair? Will you have your father’s eyes? What will your voice sound like? So many questions.

In a few short weeks, we’ll meet each other and create a moment of memory that I’ll tell of for the remainder of my days. I pray each day for your safe journey to the outside world.

If, in my busy life, in years to come, I get too consumed with the day-to-day trials and tribulations to tell you, there are a few important things that I need you to know. First and foremost, your Daddy and I love you so much. You are our child. We both have been waiting for you for a very, very long time.

We hope that you always remain close with your sisters. When your father and I are gone, we want to know that our children will still visit each other, love each other, and rely on each other. Do not let trivial arguments ever come between you. Don’t ever be afraid to say you’re sorry, nor be leery of accepting an apology. When you all some day have your own families, don’t forget the family that you grew up with. The sisters who anxiously waited for your arrival, the sisters who stuck up for you when you were in trouble, the sisters who kissed your boo-boo’s when Mommy and Daddy weren’t right there to do so.

Keep in mind that, in life, choices are priceless. You almost always have a choice. Choose wisely.

Keep in mind that, in life, the words please and thank you are free. They cost nothing, but mean everything.

Keep in mind that no matter where your life’s journey shall take you, you’ll always have to take along your conscience. Keep it clean and your spirit will soar.

Keep in mind that no matter what form of religion you choose to believe in, do so with all of your heart. Learn about your religion and practice your faith. So long as your religion teaches you piety, love, empathy and self-respect, your father and I will approve of it.

Keep in mind that your father and I have already successfully lived through every problem you will ever encounter. We want to be your first line of defense. Come to us.

Be a good friend and you will have a good friend. To your friends, be true and be kind. Keep an open ear. Don’t be afraid to hug. Keep them laughing.

Don’t always take the easy road, rather, on occasion, chose the high road. It may not be easier but it will certainly be more rewarding.

Keep in mind that education is the most important gift you can give to yourself. Study hard in school. Make every grade count along the way. Education will open doors for you. Take it seriously.

And should the time ever come that you feel you have no one to turn to, look deep inside your own heart. Know that we are always here for you. Turn to God. He is a father that never falters and will be by your side constantly.

Cry if you feel like crying, laugh when you want to laugh. Smile at strangers. Make small talk with people in line at the bank. Don’t live your life afraid to be nice for fear of appearing too nice. Keep your head held high, walk with confidence.

Don’t drink, or smoke, or put toxins into your body. Under God’s advisement, we gave you a healthy, strong body. Do not disrespect this gift.

Choose a spouse who will love and respect you. Never accept less than total commitment in a relationship.

At each birthday, take a moment to reflect on your life and on the upcoming year. Set goals. Live without regret. Skydive. Sing loudly. Dance at your prom. Be someone’s mentor. Blow bubbles with your chewing gum. Don’t be afraid to be silly. Usually, the people that are saying you are silly, are secretly wishing to be just like you.

Most importantly, be happy. You have only one life to live.

We will love you forever, our tiny baby, our miracle.

Love, Mom & Dad
******

On a side note, I ordered myself an All-In-One printer, scanner, copier, and fax from Dell last week. It arrived this morning. What an awesome gift to myself. I have already printed and copied several things to "test" it out. It copies just about as fast as it prints something, which is not bad. It only cost me 99.00 from the Dell website and shipping was free! I have been so printer deprived since we bought our new computer in Feb. The old printer didn't have a driver for windows XP so I couldn't use it. Now, I am in printer heaven! The handy ink device tells me I have over 650 pages left to print before I run out of ink! If I am not around much in the next few days, you can look for me under the pile of printed papers in my office!

It was a better weekend.

Saturday the kids played upstairs for a good portion of the morning. They must miss their toys while they are at school all week. The neighbor called and asked if the kids wanted to see the rooms they would be in for Sunday School the next day. We drove over to the church and the kids all got to see their rooms. In the afternoon, I baked some more holiday cookies. I froze some and the kids and I ate some. I found a recipe for cream cheese sugar cookies. They are yummy! I didn't even get them frosted before they kids devoured most of them. LOL Saturday night we turned on the karaoke machine and we sang and danced and laughed. It felt good to do something fun with the kids. We really need to do it more often.

Sunday the kids were up early as they were all anxious to get to Sunday School. I got everyone showered, dressed, and ready to go. We got to the church at 9:20 and the kids all found their teachers. I left with Mr. Bill and we waited out the hour at home until it was time to go get the girls again. We got to the church at 10:35 and already the congregation was gathering. The girls were just getting out and were all smiles. I think they had fun. Sunday afternoon we hung out at home. I rented Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen on PPV so the kids and I sat down and watched it. It was an okay movie. Not one I think I will buy for them. After that the kids all split up between the computers, playstation, and board games. I played a few rounds of Candyland with Cassie and Becca and then it was bed time.

This morning I got up and exercised before I got the girls up for school. While I was in the shower Max (who has not been kenneled at night for several weeks) decided he had to poop and thus did it on my floor. He did this yesterday too and I about killed him. Apparently I wake him when I get up to exercise and he thinks he needs to go out right away. I have decided he will be kenneled once again or he will be looking for a new home. Urrrrrr!

Becca started complaining her throat hurt on Sunday. This morning she woke up with a stuffed up nose. I guess we are officially heading into winter now that my kids are getting sick. Becca's friend missed the first day of school because she had strep throat so I am a little nervous that Becca will get it too. Megan seems to have caught allergies from the rest of us. Her eyes are watery and her nose won't stop running. Sunday she sneezed 12 times in a row, I am not kidding. Becca counted because she thought it was funny. I think Meg thought her head was going to explode! LOL

I am preparing for the FHC now. I figure I better get this class ready as it can sometimes take a lot of prep work to make sure I have all the websites ready. I am excited to teach again this year.

Billy called yesterday. He got to go see the acropolis in Greece. He got quite a few pictures and some statues that are replicas of the real ones. He said they are all naked statues with robes, hair, or cloths in convenient places. Just what I need for my traditional decor. LOL Maybe I will put them in our office and give it an athens flair! :) Billy is really busy now that the olympics have started. He has to be at the stadium by 6 a.m. and he doesn't get back to his room until after midnight. He will be a busy guy for the next week. There will be absolutely NO coverage of the paraolympics here in the U.S. (I am not sure why) so you will have to check websites if you want to see what is happening over there. I found a really awesome sight about greece here. There are some pictures of the acropolis if you would like to check it out.

Well, I need to run into town today so I better get this day going. TTFN!

Last night Mr. Bill wouldn't lay down and go to sleep because he was playing with his water. I took his cup away and he started the screaming thing all over again. This time I gave him one chance to stop and then I took him into his room and put him to bed. He cried for a good 15-20 minutes with no sign of giving up. His screaming even woke the girls. I finally went into his room and asked him if he was done. He wouldn't answer me but he got out of his bed and came over and gave me a hug. Then he went and crawled into my bed and feel asleep. Sheesh! I wonder if he just has some extra energy he doesn't know how to get rid of? I don't really know what his problem is but eventually we will get this straightened out. We always do.

It is offical, I am allergic to the great outdoors. I went out this morning and mowed the south and east sides of my lawn and not five seconds into the mowing my nose started running. Now I feel like someone filled my head with cotton. Ugh! I am going to have to go get some allergy meds (I ran out of Sudafed) or lock myself up in the house for the winter.

Girl Scouts starts again soon. I have registered to be the leader for Becca and Megan again but I lost one of my other girls so I am down to three girls this year. It is so hard to plan activities with three girls. Sheesh! I am looking forward to doing some fun activities with them so I better get planning. We have two big fundraisers each year. In the fall we sell nuts and in the spring we sell cookies. Hopefully we can do a little better this year so the girls have some money to use for activites. After this year, I think we will be done with Scouts. I wish we lived in a bigger city where the girls had better access, but that is the price we pay for a nice, cheap house. LOL

Billy called yesterday and said the opening ceremony for the paraolympics are tonight. He said the events last for about a week and then he is done. I can't wait until he gets home. It seems each day life gets harder and harder.

This morning when my alarm went off I realized how much I dread getting up in the mornings now and that is not like me. I think part of it is because Billy is gone but I also know a large portion of it is me. I have been really struggling lately to be a good mom and be attentive to my kids. I find it difficult to pay attention long enough for them to finish a conversation with me. I prefer to play on the computer, read a book, even clean the house, than to spend time with them. I have a feeling it is more burnout than anything. I know Billy and I need to get a babysitter and get out of the house more. I am so nervous to leave my kids that I just haven't been able to do it. I think it will be easier in a couple of years when Mr. Bill is older. I also don't have access to many babysitters, especially ones willing to babysit five kids. I struggle with this a lot lately and have been actively trying to spend more time with my kids. Today I took Mr. Bill outside to play with I mowed (usually I do it while he is napping) and I have started playing a game with the girls each night before bed. It is a start. I just need a mommy vacation. :)

So, on that happy note, I will get out of here and go get Miss Cassie from preschool. TTFN!

Here is a copy of an email I received this morning:

Jodi,

I attended the FHC 2002 and the FHC 2003 and thought both your
presentations were great. I am getting ready to send in my registration
for FHC 2004, but I have a question.

Will you presenting any session this year and if so, which one? I will
fill out my registration accordingly. Hope to see you there.

Thanks,

********

I have a fan! :)

I have chosen to leave out his/her name as I didn't ask if I could put this here but I must say after wallowing in my own self-pity all morning it was a huge jump to my mood and self-esteem to read this email. Just to clarify, the FHC stand for Family History Conference. I have taught a class or two each year for the last two years and I love it! This year I am teaching again. I am so excited! I have my own webpage for the FHC if you would like to check it out. There is an offical website if you would like to register (it is free for everyone!)

Last night was a rough one for me. Mr. Bill must be getting some new teeth or something as he is most disagreeable to be around. Last night I was sitting here reading emails and such and he was watching t.v. It was 9 p.m. and we usually don't go to bed until at least 9:30. Mr. Bill starting throwing a fit for some unknown reason and there is no talking to him when he starts screaming. I tried to hold him and he headbutted me. I put him down and let him scream it out for a few minutes but he showed no signs of giving up. I decided maybe he was just tired so I took him upstairs and put him in his bed. He screamed all the way up the stairs and hit his creshendo once he was sitting in his bed. I said goodnight and turned and came back downstairs. He continued to scream at the top of his lungs for a good 5 minutes. I decided to go back upstairs and see if he was ready to chill out. He just continued to cry and wouldn't let me hold him. So again, I said goodnight and came downstairs. He continued to cry. I waited for what seemed like forever, and went back upstairs to see if he would calm down. This time he jumped into my arms and instantly stopped crying. I held him for a few minutes and wiped away the tears running down my cheeks. Since he was not showing any signs of sleep, I brought him downstairs with me again and sat down to watch t.v. Not 5 minutes later he was sound asleep.

It is times like those that I really miss my husband. At least I can turn to him when things get like that. I went to bed then and Mr. Bill stayed asleep for the night. He was up again before I even got out of the shower this morning and he was grumpy again. He didn't want me to put him down but I had to in order to get the girls dressed and ready for school. It was another trial for me and the girls, listening to him scream for a good 10 or so minutes. He finally just layed on the floor and watched us all run around and get ready. Whew! Only 12 days left until my husband gets home, right?

I got an email from Uncle Steve this morning as well, informing me that Billy's Aunt had an aneurysm yesterday and has been sent in for surgery this morning. I am sending all my prayers that she will come out of surgery okay and she can regain her life. Billy's dad died at the same age and of the same thing. He never made it for surgery as he was dead before the ambulance got to him.

Edward Armentrout

As a child of newly divorced parents, the world is not exactly upside right. My parents divorced when I was 11. My mom had to get a job to support herself and four kids which meant she wasn't around much. I walked home from school everyday and always passed by our local "Rock Shop". It was a real rock shop, complete with granite, ore, quartz, mica, etc. One day I decided to stop in and see what exactly was in this store. I walked in and saw an older man at the counter and racks and bins filled with rocks, crystals, jewelry, etc. I browsed for a few minutes before the man behind the counter said hello. He asked me how old I was and what my name was. I told him and went back to browsing. He talked about how he had always wanted kids but never had any. He talked about the rocks and where he went to get them. He showed me several necklaces made of crystals and told me I may have one if I wanted it. I smiled at him and gladly picked one that I did want. He chatted about the rocks for a little while longer and then I left and headed home.

A few days later I was walking home with my brother and sister and we all decided to stop and say hi. When we went in, the man behind the counter was still behind the counter. He introduced himself to my siblings. His name was Ed, Ed Armentrout. He had been a vet but didn't want to live at the V.A. with all of the other "drunks", as he put it. He loved digging for rocks and had decided to make a living of it. He was married but his wife and him had separated many years before. He didn't divorce her so she could collect his money once he died. He said she didn't like kids very much. He lived alone in the rock shop and spent most of his day sitting behind that counter. He made most of the jewelry that he sold. That particular day he asked us if we would like to help him make some bracelets. We heartily agreed. He set each of us up with some wire, beads, and a clasp. We sat and beaded for a good hour or two before we each had a completed bracelet. Ed allowed us to each take our bracelet home that day.

Eventually, our trips to Ed's shop became daily ones. Ed was always there when we walked by after school so we stopped in to see what he was up too. Many days I helped him clean up his shop and house. He had a little kitchen and bedroom off the side of the display area. I began to stop in everyday after school and many weekends to help Ed collect and move rocks and to rearrange his shop. One day he suggested we go out rock hunting together. I happily jumped into his truck (did I call my mom to ask? I don't remember, but I don't think I did) and off we went to Oral to hunt for fossils and rocks. We spent a good portion of the day out under the hot sun digging through rock piles left behind by a company who dug the ground for gravel. We found several unique rocks. I filled the back of the little truck and we headed back into town to unload them into the many bins in front of the store.

I remember many times going to Ed when I had no where else to turn. One time I needed nylons for a dance (or some such event) and my mom couldn't afford them. I mentioned this to Ed who happily pulled a five dollar bill out of his cash register and sent me downtown to buy myself some nylons. On many occasions, Ed fed me lunch and dinner. Ed bought every little thing I sold for school fundraisers so I could get the biggest prize. Ed even went so far as to help me rescue the rats from the school science lab. They had had too many babies and the teacher needed to get rid of them. Being young and naive, I had to have those rats. My mom flat out said NO which left me nowhere to keep the rats. Having mentioned it to Ed one day, I asked him if I could keep them in his shop. I don't remember him even flinching as he said yes. I had a good dozen rats at his house the next day. Ed took me to a local welder and had him create a cage large enough for all the rats. They were great fun and I didn't mind cleaning up after them or playing with them. Eventually though, the fun wore off and it became a chore to take care of them. I don't remember how we got rid of all of them. I just remember they eventually were gone.

As the years went on Ed and I continued to do things together. When we went on rock hunts, Ed started letting me drive to the rock pits. I was learning to get my driver's license at 14 years old, as is allowed in South Dakota. He was very patient with me and was a good teacher. We spent many days driving to rock pits and several quarries in the area. I learned a lot about fossils, types of rocks, and the earth in general. I brought my friends to meet Ed and he frequently included them in our treks to the rock pits.

Ed's health began failing him a few months after that. After years of smoking and drinking, Ed had trouble breathing and had to be put on oxygen. Ed had quit smoking many years before I met him but the damage had already been done. He started taking a lot of medicines and had trouble doing things for himself. I would come to the shop after school each day and cook him dinner and help him clean up the place. After a while, I think he realized he needed help so he called his wife and asked her to come live with him until he died. He left a few days later to fly down south where she was and bring her back. He left me a key so I could come in and clean up and watch the place while he was gone. The day he was supposed to come home I was told to take the key in and leave it on the counter. I decided to go in after school and clean up the shop so it would look nice when he and his wife arrived and leave the key when I was done. I set about cleaning and had moved on to the backroom when I heard the door opening. I freaked out since I wasn't still supposed to be there, I was only supposed to drop off the key. And Ed had warned me before he left that his wife didn't like children and wouldn't be happy to see me at the shop. I hid under the table in the back hoping he would leave or that I would be able to sneak out without being noticed. Unfortunately, the fact that I had cleaned the place gave me away. Ed knew someone was in the shop, and upon inspection, found me. I was so scared I was shaking. I don't remember what he said, just that for the first time, he yelled at me and told me to go home. I ran out the door and headed home.

I was hurt and very sad. A man, who had in many ways, become a father figure for me, had just scared the daylights out of me. I told my mom what had happened and she brushed it off as "when people get older, things change". I never went back to Ed's shop and I never talked to him again. His wife, made it clear to all of us that we were no longer welcome in the shop. A few years ago I saw his obituary in the paper. He died at the ripe old age of 72. His wife closed up his shop and left town after that. Someone attempted to put a bar in the empty building not too long ago, but after a few months it closed. Today, it still sits, empty.

Hulano

In an attempt stop the cross-campus treks to the library computer lab, Billy and I decided to buy our first computer. We were in our second year of college and had quite enough of the long walk to the library. As Billy had mucho experience with Macs we decided to go with one of them. We got a loan (our first computer was 4400.00!), placed our order and waited for the computer to arrive. Several weeks later it arrived and we (meaning Billy) set it up and got it running. We made several calls to the support hotline and finally had it functional enough to type papers. After taping out the potential of our computer as a word processor, we decided to go high tech and get connected to the internet! We had heard the rumors of chat rooms, message boards, online porn, websites, advertisments, etc. but had never been there before. (I am making this sound like we were in college in the sixties but in actuality it was only 1994! Technology has come a long way in just 10 years.)

So we signed ourselves up for the internet and logged in. Immediately Billy and I were both hooked. We visited chat rooms, message boards, game sites, web sites, checked our email (of which we had 1 message, the welcome to the internet message from our phone company), and just "surfed" for the first time in our lives. It was fun! We spent many nights in the chat rooms until the wee hours chatting with people we had never met. It was amazing what people would, could, and did talk about in those various rooms. It didn't matter if you went into a room for "30-something men" or "teenagers who want to move out". Each room was full of people of all ages, sexes, and types. Everyone was just out for a good time and many times that was of a sexual nature. Billy and I laughed at the people having cyber-sex right in front of the rest of us in the chat rooms. I couldn't understand the draw they had to "talking" sex but apparently some people find it interesting. Billy and I found it humorous at first. We would sit and laugh at the morons who would type such erotic thoughts for the whole world to read. Many times we found ourselves blushing at what we were reading.

Eventually the humor and excitement of the chatrooms wore off. We started looking for people who would have a real, intelligent conversation with us. One night as I was searching the chatrooms I popped into a room that was supposed to be porn-free. As with the other rooms, people found ways around the censored words and so cyber-sex was running wild once again. As I was about to leave the room I noticed one person talking, actually talking to another person. I said Hello then to see if anyone would notice me. (Okay, I must mention my screen name was sexytoo. It was almost impossible for me to NOT get noticed. When I entered my screen name it was more of a self affirmation. After having two babies, I wanted people to know I was still sexy too. After some experience in the chat rooms, I realized anything remotely sexual in your name got you more hits and p.m.'s than the computer could handle.) So, anyway, I said Hello and sure enough several people jumped back at me and wanted to know my stats. Eventually you get so good at typing your stats you don't even have to think about them. I ignored all the people who were obviously looking for something I wasn't willing to give and waited. Finally I got a message from someone named Hulano. He was a male, 16 (I think), and was from New Jersey. I quickly discovered he had a great sense of humor and we chatted and goofed around in the chat room for several hours. I finally signed off and said farewell, assuming I would never run into him again. I rarely, if ever, ran into the same person in a chat room again, so this was a reasonable assumption.

The next night I was in the chat room again and surprisingly, Hulano appeared. He waved from across the room and I waved back. Then he started floating above the crowd so he could see me better. We started chatting about life and the world then. I told him I was 21, which was true. He didn't seem to mind I was older. He asked me if I was "attached". As dumb as it seems now, at the time I felt if I told people I was married, they wouldn't want to chat with me anymore, so I routinely told people I was single. The same went for Hulano. I told him I was single and in college. Lie number 1.

We chatted a lot that night and for many, many consecutive nights after that. Hulano had an amazing sense of humor and he kept me laughing every night. I learned a lot about him. He liked to play dungeons and dragons, wore black most of the time, had a sister, played various online adventure games, and didn't care much for school. It was a great way to spend the evenings. Many nights I was up until 2 or 3 in the morning, until I finally would drag myself away from the computer and go to bed. Each night I would log back in and wait for Hulano to show up. Through all of this, Billy was beside me (except the late nights). He didn't mind that we chatted. Eventually Hulano asked me for a picture of myself. Afraid to send a real picture of myself, I found a lingerie model online and Billy and Bob altered it just enough to look like a home picture and off it went to Hulano. I must say he was rather impressed with it. He was a tad curious as to why I would have a half-naked pic of myself. I gave him some story about my sister insisting I try it on and she snapped a picture when I wasn't expecting it. Lie number 2 and 3.

Hulano and I continued to chat for several months when one day he asked me for my address and phone number. At that point I realized I may be in over my head but did not want to end the fun nights of chatting so I gave it to him. My husband was fully aware of what I was doing, and God bless him for being so supportive during my bout of stupidity. Hulano called me a couple of times during that year and I hid in the basement so he wouldn't hear Becca and Megan talking or crying in the background. Lie number 1, getting out of control.

Finally, almost three years later, we moved to Colorado and the guilt had gotten to me. I knew I had to tell Hulano the truth about me and my family. I sat down and wrote out a long and detailed, and very apologetic email with a real picture of me. I told him I had been married all along, had two kids and was pregnant with my third, and had a very loving husband. I clicked the send button and held my breath. I spent that night up half the night worried about what his reaction would be. I was shaking from the nervous energy I couldn't get rid of. Finally around noon the next day I checked my email for the millionth time that day. Hulano had responded. He was very disappointed but had suspected for some time that something was amiss. He didn't think it was that I was married and had kids but he knew something was not right. I was somewhat relieved as he didn't sound too upset, but he was very disappointed in me. That came through loud and clear in his email.

That was the last time I heard from Hulano. I didn't have the guts to email him again and apparently he didn't want much to do with a married, with kids, woman. He should be in his mid twenties now and in college or other equally challenging position. I still carry a lot of guilt, mostly for the lies I fed him. I knew better but really didn't think it would go as far as it did. I am ashamed at myself for letting it get so out of hand. Unfortunately, I had to learn it the hard way. I haven't been in a public chat room in years. I know now, how dangerous and out of hand they can be. And I have five kids who don't need to see what goes on in those rooms.

I have said my peace. Hulano, I humbly ask for your forgiveness and kiss your feet. ;)

ONLY
14 days
346 hours
20779 minutes
1246793 seconds
Until my wonderful husband comes home from Greece!

Mommy brain strikes again, or maybe not?

Okay, so last night I am getting ready for bed and I remember I have to start my bcp's again after a week off. So I go looking for the dumb things. I remember throwing them in my laundry basket when we moved our room upstairs so that would be the logical place for the to be right? WRONG! They were not in the laundry basket, not on the dresser, not in my room period. I even looked under the bed. Not there! So I start racking my brain trying to remember where I put the obnoxious little pills. I checked both bathrooms, the office, the living room. Nope, they had disappeared. I went back upstairs and completely emptied the laundry basket to double check but nope, they weren't there. I looked under the bed again but still did not see them. I walked around to the end of the bed and looked there. OOOOOHHHH! There the little pills were, hiding behind the underbed storage box. Now I am pretty sure in any conscience state of mind, I would not have put my pills there. I don't know how they ended up under my bed. Perhaps I have aliens in my midst. ;)

This morning I shuttled off three girls to school. Becca, Megan, and Marea are all back into the routine. Cassie doesn't have preschool on Mondays so she gets to stay home with me all day today.

I have holiday cookies to bake today. I made Cream Cheese Sugar Cookie dough on Sunday and today I am going to bake them so the kids can decorate them after school. I found a few new cookie recipes this year too at allrecipes.com that I want to try. I love making a huge variety of Christmas cookies each year and the kids love to help me. Since we are having Thanksgiving at our house this year, I thought I better get a jump on the holiday baking. I am even thinking of attempting fudge this year (although there will be NO nuts in any fudge from my house). :) I have a recipe for Pumpkin Pie dip. It is basically cream cheese, pumpkin, and powdered sugar. You dip vanilla cookies, pear slices, and apple slices in it. It sounds delish so I will give it a whirl this year as well.

I also have laundry to get on today. I will do at least 5 loads before it is all said and done. Not too bad considering there are 7 of us. Summer clothes do take up less room in the washer though.

Have a great day today everyone!

This morning started out a little better. The girls were up and at em at 7 a.m. (At what age do they start sleeping until noon!?) I decided since we were up with plenty of time to spare, I would take the kids to the church service they were holding at the park today. We showered, dressed, ate, and were ready to go by 9 a.m. Since church wasn't until 11 a.m. we putzed around the house until then.

We arrived at the park at 10:55 and found a nice picnic bench to sit at. The kids and I took up one side of the bench by ourselves. A few other people came over and said hello. I was surprised to see almost none of the members were dressed up. Most were in slacks and a nice shirt, even the ladies. I was thankful I didn't dress up, nor did I put much effort into the kids outfits. I figured since it was at the park, I would rather be comfortable. The service started with a prayer and songs. Since it was their offical Sunday School Kick-off Service they sang all sunday school songs. I knew them all, amazingly. We sang Jesus loves me and one about Joy that I remembered very well. There was a speaker for the service today. It was a family who are missionaries to Cambodia every year. They talked about what they do there and how they try to help the people learn about hygeine and health. The father pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and explained to the kids that it was a 100 real(sp?). A real is the same as our dollar. His real was worth 100. He asked all the kids to write on a piece of paper how much they thought that was worth in dollars. After each child wrote down their guess he went through them and picked out two winners. Both children guessed it was worth 10 cents. He said the 100 real is actually worth 2.5 cents in American money. YIKES! They also talked about how worms are a huge problem in Cambodia and thus everyone there has diarreha and upset stomachs. I don't think the kids understood what kind of worms they were referring too. Once they were done talking, we sang some more songs, said some more prayers, and ended the service. The kids each were given a balloon which they all released at once in the park. I took that opportunity to take the kids to the van and head out. We decided to take ourselves into Brookings for lunch and some playtime at the park. Mr. Bill sure enjoys the park. We played for two hours and then we came home.

Billy called from Greece on the way home. I sure miss him. He said he had today off (it was midnight his time when he called) but since he doesn't have the car he couldn't go do anything. (Apparently his hotel is out in the middle of nowhere too so he can't get to the train station either). He said tomorrow when he is done at the stadium he is going to try and sneak into Athens and do some sight seeing. He took his Uncle Jimmy's Canon camera with all the doohickeys so he could get some good pictures. I hope he gets the chance to do something fun.

Tomorrow we are back at school and the normal routine. I am thankful for something to do as it keeps me busy and keeps my mind off my husband.

Yes, it is 7:45 a.m. on a Saturday morning and I am awake. The girls decided to get up at 6 a.m. this morning and woke me by pleasantly screaming and fighting with each other by 6:30 a.m.

Happy Birthday to my step-dad Steve! I hope it is a great day!

Today marks the three year anniversary of the 9-11 attack in NY. It is really hard to believe it has been three years already. It seems like it was just yesterday that Billy called from work telling me to turn on the t.v. I watched the twin towers fall over and over and over again. I felt for the people involved and the victims who would never be with us all again. Being in South Dakota, it is hard to really grasp how difficult this has been for the people of New York. I don't have to drive by the empty spot where the twin towers once stood, I don't have to see the faces of those left behind, and I don't have to deal with the aftermath on a daily basis. I send my prayers and positive thoughts to all those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one today.

Well it is Friday, finally, but now I am minus a husband and it stinks.

Yesterday morning I got the girls off to school as usual and Billy got up and started packing. I got home around 8 and we dressed and fed Cassie and Mr. Bill. By 9 we were out the door as Billy had to stop at Dak and we needed to get gas. I dropped Billy off at Dak and ran to the bank to get him some cash to use in the airports. I went back to Dak and waited about 15 minutes for Billy to get done. We left Brookings at 10:30 a.m. As we were driving to Sioux Falls I was reading Billy's passport. I noticed his visa said he would be gone for 10 days and it was effective 8-2-04 to 9-1-04! UMMMMMM, HELLO! He didn't even fly out until 9-9-04 and he was going to be gone for 20 days. Ooops. Billy called work and talked to the gal who got his visa. She said she didn't know what had happened but she didn't think it would be a problem. Okay Lady!

We arrived in Sioux Falls at 11:30 so we stopped to grab some lunch at Arby's. Cassie and Billy enjoyed some mommy and daddy time since everyone else was at school. We ate and then headed to the airport to check Billy in. We got to the airport and Billy handed the lady his passport. She glanced at his Visa and mentioned the expired dates. Billy explained it was for a work permit while he was in Greece and his employer didn't think it would be a problem. She seemed to accept that explanation and sent him on his way. We went upstairs to the waiting area. Directly at the top of the stairs are lots of gates, people corrals, and security guards. There was a small waiting area to the left of the steps so we sat and waited there until it was time for Billy to get to the plane. He went through the gates and corrals and the scanners. We waved to him through the mass of glass and metal and he was off. I tried very hard to control the tears and scooted my kids off to the car. I stopped off in Brookings at Walmart to get some motrin (I have been having killer headaches the last few days, most likely just PMS related). While on the road home Billy called and said he made it to Minneapolis. I was glad to hear from him but then the phone cut out and I lost him.

I came home and the kids got home from school. I had bought a halloween craft kit at Walmart so the kids and I did that for a good hour or two after they got their homework done. I made dinner and then the kids got jammas and bed. I sat down and had a good hot cup of cappicino and watched CSI. I was in bed by 9:30. At midnight I awoke to what I thought was the alarm clock going off. Half-sleeping I rolled over and saw it was only midnight. I rolled back over only to hear the phone downstairs start ringing. I jumped up and ran for the phone but I was not quick enough. I listened to the message then. It was Billy calling to say he was in Amsterdam. He sounded very tired. He said he would call when he got to Greece but I have not heard from him yet today. I hope he made it okay. At 2 a.m. one of our damn cats decided she was sleeping on my pillow. I pushed her off and she half jumped, half fell into our lamp and knocked it over. The glass shade smashed as it hit the floor. I got up and tiptoed through the glass shards and found the broom. I swept the mess into a pile and went back to bed. When I got up this morning I had to carefully step around the mess while I was getting ready. I will get up there and clean it up yet today.

I am going to head into town after I pick Cassie up from school to get groceries so I don't have to haul five kids into town and around the grocery store. I find it hard to stay motivated when Billy is gone. I hope he is having a safe and fun trip (although I wouldn't mind if he got sent home because of his Visa issue). One thing I have noticed is that mommybrain seems to increase three-fold when my husband is gone. Why is that? So if I seem a tad scatterbrained for the next twenty or so days you will know why. ;)

Have a great day ya'll!

I think we're alone now
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now
The beating of our hearts
Is the only sound

Look at the way
We gotta hide what we're doing
'Cause what would they say
If they ever knew and so we're

Running just as fast as we can
Holding on to one another's hand
Tryin' to get away into the night
And then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground
And then you say

I think we're alone now
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now
The beating of our hearts
Is the only sound

I think we're alone now
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now
The beating of our hearts
Is the only (only) sound

Running just as fast as we can
Holding on to one another's hand
Tryin' to get away into the night
And then you put your arms around me
And we tumble to the ground
And then you say

I think we're alone now
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now
The beating of our hearts
Is the only sound

I think we're alone now
There doesn't seem to be anyone around

I think we're alone now
There doesn't seem to be anyone around

I think we're alone now
There doesn't seem to be anyone around
I think we're alone now
You and me the only sounds now

Look at the way
We gotta hide what we're doing
Don't care what they say
We're making the only sound now
(I THINK WERE ALONE NOW by Tiffany)


Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
(RIGHT HERE WAITING by Richard Marx)

Love ya babe! See you in 20 days!

This is one of those days that I wish it were friday, but then if it were friday my husband would already be gone and I don't want that either. :(

The girls had a good first day of school. I picked Cassie up at 11:30 and she couldn't stop talking about what she did, had, and found that day. She had a great time at school. I am very thankful she enjoys it so much. It makes it easier to say goodbye in the mornings. Becca had an equally thrilling day. She loves her teacher, loves her classmates, and is ready to get down to work (everything has to be written in cursive in third grade ya know!) Megan had a so-so day. She fell down on the way to the playground and sat right in a pile of mud. So on top of the rip in her pants from her morning fiasco, she had a dirty behind all day. The poor girl said she just sat on the playground because she didn't want anyone to see her butt was all muddy. She did say she liked her teacher but didn't really want to talk much about it. When Billy got home though she finally spilled the beans to him. He said she was very excited. I am not sure if that is a show for dad, or if Meg just needs time to digest her day before she tells me. All in all, I'd say they had a successful first day. Marea is not very happy that she has to stay home with me. Tomorrow she gets her big day though and then she will be off and running too.

Today I am getting ready, both physically and emotionally, for my husband to head out to Greece. I will be taking him to the airport tomorrow. I hate this part of his job. I know he is excited to go to Greece and believe me I know, what a chance of a lifetime, but I am always the one left behind with five + kids and it is quite a challenge for me. I am glad he gets the opportunity though.

Not much else to report. Today I am just getting into the swing of school life again. TTFN!

And they're off!

I dropped three girls off at school this morning. Becca went to 3rd grade, Megan to second, and Cassie to Preschool. Marea starts Kindergarten on Thursday. Becca ran off like an old pro and didn't really seem to need me to walk her to her class like she has the last two years. She ran into a friend in the hallway and they were gone. Megan had a little tougher time than Becca. She was so excited and nervous this morning that she was shaking. When we went to get out of the van to walk to the school she was so full of adrenaline that she jumped a little too much and ended up falling and ripping her pants, scraping her knee, and getting a little muddy in the process. I felt so bad for her but she sucked it up and we went into the building anyway. I dropped Megan off at her classroom and all seemed to be okay. Next I walked Cassie down to her classroom. When we got there no one was in the room. I assumed that they were all still doing breakfast. Finally, at 8:10 the teacher appeared with about five crying 4 year olds. YIKES! She left the lunchroom early to tend to the crying ones. Cassie found her spot on the circle rug and she was gone. She did awesome!

I am home and so far have eaten breakfast, done the dishes, showered and dressed Marea and have picked up the living room. I love routine! Mr. Bill is napping as he decided to get up with me this morning at 6 a.m. to exercise. He sat and watched me exercise, had some cereal, and watched his sisters get ready to go. He screamed when I left but was sound asleep by the time I got home 40 minutes later. :)

This weekend was a busy one for us. Saturday we spent the day outside cleaning up the yard, mowing, etc. We also took the opportunity to hang some Christmas lights on our evergreen trees. We decided to do it now while it is warm rather than waiting for the snow to fall. We also bought some rope lights last year that we attached to the house. It will look very festive this year, I think. Sunday we spent the day inside rearranging the house. Mr. Bill has been sleeping in his own bed at night (finally) and I didn't want him waking up in the middle of the night and trying to get downstairs to us so we moved our room back upstairs and we cleaned up the office. It took most of the day but the rooms look great and it is so nice to know Mr. Bill is not going to fall down the stairs. We also rearranged the girl's room and gave them some of their toys from the attic. Monday was a much less hectic day. The kids were upstairs playing for a good portion of the day. Billy and I sat in our new office/t.v. room and watched about 5 hours of the CSI marathon on Spike T.V. I was amazed we didn't see one show we had seen before. After that we decided to go for a short bike ride. We went around Brandt a couple of times but decided it was too chilly to go any more. We came home and got the kids in the van. I had some last minute school supplies I needed to pick up. We ran to Watertown and hit Walmart. We found everything we needed right away and were home in time for bed. The girls actually willingly went to bed so they could be up early this morning for school.

This week will be a busy one, not only because the kids are in school, but because Billy is off to Greece on Thursday. I am dreading him leaving but am sort of looking forward to some alone time as well. He will be gone 20 days, Heaven help me! I am hoping the kids will be busy and exhausted from school so I am less stressed. We shall see.

Did you notice the new little icon at the end of my entries? You can now email my entries to random loved ones. LOL So should you care to share my glorious life with someone else, feel free to use the new email doodad. :)

Yesterday was not as uneventful as I had planned. I spent some of the day working on my cheetah girl transformations. I finished Becca's costume and moved on to Megan's. I got her skort (skirt and short combo) done and then finished her cape last night. She is good to go now too. I only have two left so they should be done by the end of the week.

I also tackled some cleaning projects that were irritating me. I cleaned up the kitchen, including all those odd and end pot and pans that seem to constantly be stacked on my stove. It was nice to have a clean house all day. About 4:30 we left to head into Brookings AGAIN as this time I HAD to get my haircut. It is about a month overdue and it was driving me nuts. I had a really nice gal at Great Clips this time who actually listened to me when I told her what I wanted cut and how. I am very pleased with my hair this time. I decided to take us all out to eat at Godfather's Pizza. Tuesday and Wednesday they have the buffet which I highly recommend. It was 21.00 for all 7 of us and they will make whatever kind of pizza you want. Plus they have chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, full salad bar, breadsticks, and dessert pizza. Mmmmmmm. I well overate my Dr. Phil plan. :) We went to the park for a little while but apparently the heat (all of 82 degrees) was getting to my dh who was still dressed in work clothes (jeans and heavy shirt). He was rather crabby so we all went for a drive instead.

I woke up at 6:30 this morning freaking out from a dream I was having. I was sitting at home and the kids and I were playing when Billy walked in and announced he was leaving me. He began packing and I began crying. I talked and talked and talked my head off but he wouldn't listen and he just kept packing. It was a horrible dream. I woke up shaking and then I couldn't go back to sleep. I tried to cuddle up to Billy but as usual, Mr. Bill was in our bed and in the way. I think I finally calmed down and fell back asleep at 7 or so. That is the first time I have ever had such a dream and I hope it is the last. The ironic thing is my husband has been incredibly loving and nice to me since we got home on Sunday. I almost feel like we are dating again. Unfortunately he will soon be off to greece on the 9th and my kids start school on the 7th. What am I going to do with myself? I guess I better pick up some old hobbies or start some new ones.

Back on the wagon!

Today I am hitting Dr. Phil's Rapid Weight Loss Program again. I had been in Stage 2 which was more calories but still allowed me to lose some weight. After vacation and gaining 2-3 pounds I think it is time to do the Rapid Weight Loss again to kick this into gear. I have also stopped exercising for the summer but my kids start school in one week and I will start exercising once again. Hopefully that will get rid of the last 9 or so pounds I have been hanging on to.

Yesterday was a busy day for me. Mr. Bill woke up with more rash (and I haven't fed him any pumpkin bread lately) so I assumed we were dealing with an allergy to something else or a viral thing. I called the Doc and made an appointment for him. I spent the majority of the morning on here getting my webpage made up for my new niece and filled in my blogger. I still want to get a vacation page done but that may take a few more days. After I got showered and dressed it was lunch time so I made the kids and I lunch. We headed out to get gas in the van and make the drive into Brookings to get Mr. Bill to the doctor. We got in fairly quickly and as I suspected, Mr. Bill was having an allergic reaction to something. Dr. Warren said it is almost always impossible to figure out what they are allergic to so he suggested we put him on his Zyrtec for about 2 weeks. He said the reaction will stay in Mr. Bill's system for about 7-14 days. YIKES! So last night I gave hime some Zyrtec and he woke up rash free this morning. Keep your fingers crossed!

After we got home, I sat down and finished my book "Dear Papa", the sequel to "Papa's Wife" by Thyra Ferre Bjorn that I had read earlier. Uncle Steve was so kind and generous enough to purchase this one for me. It was a wonderful ending to the life of the Frazon Family. I am off today to find the other books in the series online.

Once I finished my book, I decided to tackle cleaning the 30 gallon fish tank. I had noticed before we left on vacation that it was starting to get green spots on the glass. That is usually the sign that I have to dismantle the entire fish tank and scrub it down with comet to get those spots off the glass. I started at 5:00 p.m. and finished it at 7:00 p.m. It is not an easy task but the fish tank never looked better. Fortunately, it is a once a year job too.

Billy came home while I was in the midst of smelly fish water. He watched t.v. with the kids and then we grilled hamburgers for dinner. After dinner, we sent the kids off to bed, as we are determined to get them back on schedule for school next week. Billy brought some "homework" home last night from work. Apparently it was a last minute project that needed to be done by this morning. I helped him do the mundane typing and moving of items so he could focus on the more creative parts of his project. I am not sure what time he finally came to bed. I crashed at 11:30 p.m.

Today we are being lazy. I have some minute house cleaning projects that need to be done but otherwise we may just hang out in the yard, AFTER I mow the knee deep clover patches. I tried to walk to my garden yesterday and about got lost in the clover. It is really really long after a week of not being cut. Have a great day everyone and SMILE, it makes people wonder what you are up too. :)